As I look around my current terrain, I am intensely aware that I seem increasingly alien to my current status of being in the world. I didn't expect to be around, especially writing this Blog at this time and in this place. I remember when I was about nine years old, I expected to live intensely and depart this life in my early thirties.
But at this stage of Being Here, I have lived several life times encapsulated into this time frame of 88 years. All this time, I have constantly written in blank books, recording moments as though they were tiny treasures of Time that deserved to be noticed. I have an awareness of observing myself as though from a distance, and the stirring of an inner, ongoing process of the brain connected to some sort of infinite supply. You may have heard of the expression "thinking outside the box"...but in this case, thinking outside the brain.
I have noticed how the brain prepares for aging, and I have an awareness of how my brain is mellowing. It has emphasized the process of growing as an expansion of an inner dimension as vast as the universe we observe as exterior to ourselves. I perceive the brain as an organ for Mind, and as my current carcass ages, I sense an emphasis on Growing and I discern I have been fulfilling a promise made to myself when I was nine years old. I was autistic before it had been recognized as a learning disability. I couldn't recognize spaces between words. But I heard my sister practicing at the piano, and as I listened, the language of sound and music inhabited and defined my world. I started improvising when I found myself alone in the house.
Suddenly I am almost nine decades, but I still feel like I am nine-years old, trying to figure things out. OLD was always a distant state of Being, but as I approach its outer limits, I realize it is only the smiling face of Time.
