Thursday, February 27, 2025

LOST IN PROCESS

A lot has been lost in the past few days. It is hard for me to comprehend the nature of this loss, and yet I am plagued by the notion of something missing. Part of this can be attributed to age, but mostly it is the familiar attributes of Time's decay. It is so difficult to keep Now in an ongoing presence as it is always slipping into the future or dallying with the past. I know it is related to creative process and the ways that imagination has been deflected through neglect and negative energy.

I am not the first to encounter creative blocks, and having lived almost nine decades, I often have been overwhelmed by negative creative inertia. I try to comfort myself that spiritual forces within me are continually flowing in and out. Eventually, I tell myself, this creative block will dissolve, and I will go about my business of creating new work. 

But there is a deeper Truth to this moment. I know there is part of me that continues to create, even during intervals when I appear stagnated and ineffectual. So I linger on the edge of new work... I am somewhat astonished that I have been able to continue writing and exploring this experience of life. Phaedrus beckons and we have our confrontations. I am almost overwhelmed at the abundance of ideas that flow through the present moment and how many perish for lack of nourishment.

Sometimes I feel like I detract from my writing by keeping this Blog. But actually the opposite seems to be true. There are many ideas that perish from lack of attention. There are so many ideas erupting every moment that many die from lack of irrigation. So I understand how these are lost in the process. Yet these flowing of ideas gather into ponds, lakes, and maybe even oceans. Hopefully I will find myself lingering by these reservoirs and discover beauty about to bloom.

Friday, January 03, 2025

AUTHOR'S DILEMMA

 The New Year brings new projects and the closing of old projects. I was composing a new poem every day for 2024, an experiment that began almost tentatively. But now, a year later, I find that I want to continue some sort of writing activity. I had a reader of my poems who indicated she was thinking of starting a writing project. I encouraged her to write, if not Facebook, maybe a blog. But then I thought, maybe this is my new project. I have a Blog, Wyzard Ways, which I started in 2005. My entries of late have been sporadic, so now I think I may entertain the notion of maintaining the Blog with new entries, almost daily. I will link the entries to Facebook, so I can continue the semblance of a project. Writing is about wordsmithing, about capturing some essence of Time and making a linguistic fossil that may get lost from day to day, but shows up in someone's future search.

The question for me is whether I should link to the Blog from Facebook, or repost. Maybe I will link, and provide comments from time to time. I am still in a state of flux, as I have had some negative energy confronting publishing my books.

To date, I have published the following books as John Vance Gilbert:

TILTING TIME
REMNANTS OF BEING
MULBERRY DAYS
FACEBOOK POEMS 2024
(January-June)

THE SANTA OF JEJU ISLAND
(Published under name Jonathan Vance)
ALIENS
(Published under name Jonathan Vance)

More books on the way:

MAKING MUSIC
NEW YORK STORIES
FACEBOOK POEMS 2024
(July-December)

There are some other titles I am working on, including an adventure novel. But the most pressing is New York Stories. I still have to complete two stories, or decide not to do them. 

The dilemma that arose was to consider the best path forward for my creative process. I'm not sure how best to proceed, but at this point maybe resuming the Blog WYZARD WAYS is the answer.




 

Thursday, November 07, 2024

NOVEMBER TIME

These posts are a way of noting Time and its passage. I have been pursuing the passing of Time on Facebook, where I write a new poem each day throughout 2024. I am currently proofreading FACE BOOK POEMS, a book that includes poems written during the first half of the year.

This Facebook project has taken away from my posts hereon Wizard Ways, and I regret that I have allowed that distraction to deter posting on this site, since this Blog represents a large segment of my life and activity. On the other hand, I have only one reader of this Blog, and Google has discouraged comments by its rigorous sign-in procedure. My main regret is that I used Google for blogging. At the time, I had no idea how sinister and manipulative Google would turn out to be.I am sure they regularly scan these blogs and develop profiles on each contributor.

But here we are in November, and the greatest development for me has been to become immersive in sonority and musical sound. I'm not sure where this will lead, but as always, music becomes structure that can lead to discovery.  

Improvisation is a way of traveling through Time, and it is productive when I become obsessive in exploring musical ideas at the keyboard.  My mantra has been "fingers on the keys"... sometimes I come upon an idea that takes me down a musical path. I'm surprised, because I thought that time was over. 

I'm in the midst of revisiting past songs. Thanks to a colleague, Dr. Ulrich Hartung, a number of my songs have been salvaged, but  there's still so many that are gone. All of the songs I wrote for the album Prayer are lost from the several computer crashes I have experienced over the years. 

But November has somehow brought a new resonance to my creative process, and in the midst of all that is going on, I relish a journey through the contours of musical thinking. I like to listen to fading sonorities where I sometimes detect a musical gesture that becomes a song.

Wednesday, September 25, 2024

THE CLEARING

I have been away for some time. But I have been on a voyage of discovery, a time of recovery, and now I am pausing in a clearing where everything is new. 

I look around at the terrain. I am always cognizant of my terrain as it defines the journey. This terrain is jagged, with giant mountains, deep valleys, and treacherous trails. I struggle to travel a few years, and I must rest. Hidden in these mountains are ancient monasteries with inhabitants who have lived for ages articulating and demonstrating the Truth of Being. 

My existence is so temporal, caught in the web of confusion, of the Maya, of the illusion that diverts us from tending to the reality of ourselves. It is a trap that most of us struggle against, a reality that is oppressive and pessimistic. We are pushed to extremes to the point that we can only focus on trivial minutiae. I have to admit I have been diverted by the illusion, despite my understanding of the Maya as a trap. 

But why? Somewhere in the vast conscious awareness, we are the reality of Here and Now. It is right here, seemingly within (although inner and outer are just binary constructs). 

But here in The Clearing I have discovered that Silence is an infinite domain of discovery. Everything comes from the Silence, in the quietness of our Being Time itself is being created filled with infinite imaginings that will never end.

The Clearing is a node of Infinity where in a infinite pause, becoming is a perpetual delight.

Wednesday, July 31, 2024

BEING HERE

I have been so delinquent from this site, even though I have been writing in multiple media. I have been writing a new poem everyday for Facebook, and have committed to complete this year with an original work each day. The first six months of Facebook poems have been collected into a volume that should be published in the next few weeks. 

I am committed to finishing my manuscripts of New York short-short stories by September, even though the last two stories have been extremely challenging. Mulberry Days is a work based on an experience of living on Mulberry Street in the context of rich history of that famous street. I am happy to say that book should be available in the next few weeks.

My long awaited phenomenological experiment Making Music has been set and should be available sometime this Fall. A project which is still in a speculation stage is a souvenir book for IMPACT with pictures and text on the experimental workshop in collaboration conducted at New York University for ten years.

This is a challenging time for me. For some reason, ideas have been streaking through my mind like comets, representing the culmination of years of exploration and research. I have been fortunate to have an excellent book designer, Oksana Tykha, who has piloted my two poetry manuscripts, Tilting Time and Remnants of Being, into books available on Amazon.

In the meantime, I have been listening deeply to the music makers of the American Song, especially Neil Diamond and Carly Simon. This has awakened my musical wandering, and I have no idea where this may take me.

My first tendency has been to focus on "Being There" as a mode of of awareness. But I can see how a shift to "Being Here" provokes a new dimension of exploration. This shift promises a new artistic energy that may uncover new works and new directions.

Wednesday, June 05, 2024

BEING THERE

So much time has passed and I am feeling a bit overwhelmed to still be here at this post. Actually, I have been away for some time, so returning is a bittersweet moment as I know that time away might have been posted here as the experiences of my journey. That time is past. But maybe I am here at last.

This could be among the last transmissions of my journey. Time has been flying by at a seemingly increasing pace. In recent days, I have been writing and posting new poems to Facebook every day. These Facebook Poems have collected as a daily publication since the end of December.  

So this is about friends this year, and how the project of writing a poem each day on Facebook has deepened my sense of the friends that share my life and my limited awareness of the wide range of activities going on with my friends. I have come to realize how much we take for granted in friendships, and how fragile they really are. Facebook can seduce you into believing your friendships are active, even intense. But it really is a substitute for actually BEING THERE. 

Time splashes through our fingers like water, intensely present but flowing past us. In an instant the moment is gone, lingering as the mere shadow of itself slowly decaying. Opportunities abound as an infinite array of possibilities, but only "Being There" shapes the reality of the moment, and we may never fully understand how rare true friendships really are. 

For me, those intense friendships are fading as the reality of now pushes our intimate contact with each other further away. I regret we cannot be fully present in the moment with each other, and that somehow, the intensity dwindles with the passage of Time.

But I am grateful for the combustion of our encounters and how they have created who I appear to be. I wonder if in the distant future that we imagine exists, we will meet again. Maybe this leg of the journey is to learn the meaning of BEING THERE. There was a film with Peter Sellers devoted to such an adventure and the superiority of experience over identity. But I think even that great film missed the mark in deepening our understanding of being in the moment.


 

Monday, December 11, 2023

The Twelve Songs of Christmas

Christmas is coming…I would like to celebrate it in the sensibility that has been my secret and secluded habitat… it has always been a time of reflection and renewal… I have always had two Renaissances: September and Winter Solstice.. a spiritual awareness and consciousness invades my Being…a Beingness becomes me and for a moment I am connected to the Entanglement…and I am everywhere and always for a slight sliver of Infinity…of foreverness…

Over the years, I have written Christmas/Solstice Songs to send to friends during the holidays. We found 12 of these songs that now have been arranged and collected into a Christmas Album: THE TWELVE SONGS OF CHRISTMAS.
A New Christmas
This Is A Season To Remember
Happy Yuletide, Lovers
Sing We Now
Maybe It Is Christmas
The Kind Of Christmas
The Season Of Our Dreams
Will You Be Home For Christmas
Solstice Song
Christmas Time
Merry Christmas To You
Another Year
As I indicated earlier, every winter solstice has always served as an artistic renaissance for me. Sparking this renaissance this year has been the genius of creative arranger and producer Rainer Raisch, his marvelous studio, his Dreamland Orchestra and Singers, and the warmth and presence of the soloist Marie Luise Lutz. Raisch manages to uncover musical motifs specific to each song and expand them, so they unfold as a tapestry of musical expression.
Enabling this process has been my friend and colleague, Dr. Ulrich Hartung, who has encouraged and supported my work for many years, and was responsible for connecting me with Rainer Raisch.
We will soon release the songs on streaming services, for each of the twelve days of Christmas, and then as an Album.

Wednesday, November 29, 2023

DIMENSIONS OF DIMINISHMENT

Time to take a moment to reflect on aspects of mortality that I haven't considered before. I am already exceeding the lifespan of male members of my family going back a century or so. For the past few years I have found myself focused on the moment, and have found energy to extend these moments by noticing and creating objects of awareness that vivify Being in Time. This somehow seems remotely connected to Martin Heiddeger's opus magnum, Being and Time and a later final lecture, Time and Being.

But my reflection encounters a different arena, one that counters an expanding universe with its opposite process, a diminishing content that tugs at at the heartstrings of a universe seemingly out of control and plunging recklessly into an infinite abyss.

My perception might be that of peering through a glass darkly at infinite regression, a diminishment, if you will. Well, a diminishment, even if you won't. It is perhaps a little like the "incredible shrinking man," but has more to do with the mass of intelligence, which seemed immeasurable when I last thought about it. But as I looked at the implications of the entanglement overcoming infinity, I began to understand that it is all quantifiable to an infinite degree, and the nature of infinity is that it is complete+...complete-.

So I seem to be on the brink of Diminishment... which has the look of disappearing, until you realize Diminishment is Infinite, and I only appear to be disappearing. We are the infinite reflections of the jewel of diminishment... cultures have expressed these jewels as mandala. Maybe I'm becoming a Mandala, a singing of myself as a jewel spinning like a comet across the night sky.

Tuesday, November 14, 2023

Making Time

Time always remembers
Important moments…
Some glowing embers,
Or feelings so intense…
We are suddenly changed—-
Discovering we feel
Our destiny rearranged.
We discover we are real
And made of Dreams
And Love and Joy…
Entangled so it seems,
And nothing can destroy
Our connected awareness
Expanding forever
As universal fairness…
And isn’t it clever
That actually we are Time?
We are the ticking of the Toc
The makers of the rhyme,
The rhythm of the clock.
We are the stuff that make
Moments to remember,
And the dreams that take
Us past September.
October withers us away…
December slithers into night…
I still have songs to play
Before my final flight.

Thursday, November 02, 2023

WINTER ME A SOLSTICE SONG


As I was growing up, I discovered the beauty of Christmas was its connection to winter solstice and the triumph of light over darkness. 

As the years passed, I wrote poetry in blank books as I walked through cities and visited coffee houses and bars. My most prolific times were autumn days as they passed into winter.

I was composing songs as part of my process…often for some distant, unattainable love… this was part of my psyche, and in recent years I discovered that this distant longing is a condition known as “limerance.”

My obsessions changed slightly as I chose to enter higher education to pursue how music could be a force for change. As the years passed, so many students and colleagues and students went into the world.
Christmas became a time to reconnect with all those who impacted my life as students and colleagues. 

I began writing Christmas/Soltice Songs when my mother came to visit me the Christmas after my father died. The first song was written for her, “A New Christmas.” I sent the song as a Christmas greeting to friends and colleagues. I continued to write a solstice song each year and sent to friends and colleagues. 

We managed to find twelve of the songs. There were a few more, but they disappeared into the vaults of forgotten past improvisations. In my adolescence, I was known as an endless improviser… and improvisations became compositions.

These Winter Solstice Christmas songs focus on the beauty and suspense of winter solstice… for me the essence of Christmas are a continuation of the ancient the Stonehenge vigils that began more than five thousand years ago, waiting for the sun to appear after the longest night… assuring us that life is renewed in a new cycle. 

Unfortunately, I haven't found all the Christmas Songs, as I had several computer crashes where I lost data I was not able to recover.

Here is a list of the songs recovered. The dates are speculative. I know "A New Christmas" was 1989. My son, Russell, was nine, and he was born in 1980. 

Here is a list of recovered songs. The dates are speculative.

A New Christmas 1989
Happy Yuletide, Lovers 1990
Merry Christmas to You 1991
Sing We Now 2011
Maybe It’s Christmas 2012
The Kind of Christmas 2013
Just Another Year (2014?)
This Is the Season to Remember 2015
Solstice Song 2016
Christmastime 2017
Will You Be Home for Christmas 2022

Tradition  passes the power of life to generations…and a time for remembering our friends and loves became a source for continuing to celebrate the beauty of who we are to each other. These songs exist because I have been blessed by the friendship of so many around the world. 

Winter Solstice has always been a source for celebrating the renewal of life…at least that has been my reality, and I thank so many brilliant and talented friends and artists who are helping to share these songs with a wider audience.  

Somehow a phrase came to mind that might be a song in itself. The phrase is "Winter me...Winter me a solstice song..."

 

Wednesday, October 25, 2023

ADVENTURES WITH BARBARA

It has come to my attention that my colleague, Barbara Hesser, at New York University before I retired, is retiring. This a monumental moment in the history of an institution and of our shared time. When Barbara Hesser came to NYU to run a music therapy program formed by Dr. Jerrold Ross, who serving as chair, brought brought me to NYU to implement innovative programs that would change the face of music at NYU.

I remember meeting Barbara at the September Steinhardt Faculty Meeting in 1970 held in what is now the Frederick Loewe Theatre. The name Steinhardt was not present, we were still a school of diverse practices gathered under the banner of School of Education, which quickly became the School of Education, Nursing, and Arts Professions, or SEHNAP.  Finally, a trustee of NYU and hedgefund billionaire, Michael Steinhardt, chose to help navigate the school through the many challenges facing the institution, and the School formally took on his name.  The saga of the School of Ed identity continues. Originally the School of Pedagogy in 1890, it became the School of Education in the early 1900s, and in the 1960s erupted into a multifaceted, diverse areas of expertise.

It was sad to see Arts Professions dropped from the name and identity of the School of Education, a betrayal of an agreement forged when the NYU College of Music merged with Music Education to become the conservatory of NYU.  Dean Mary Brabeck was the Dean who obscured the Arts Professions identity in the school by substituting Human Development for Arts Professions, relegating the functions of the NYU Art school, the Music Conservatory, and Theatre Production to the outskirts of Human Development.

This was the stormy context of Barbara Hesser's coming to the School to head a music therapy program geared to the creative music making and improvisation as advocated by the Nordoff-Robbins approach. Barbara had studied with Clive Robbins, and invited him to teach workshops in the summers. At that particular time, Dr, Ross had moved into the office of Dean of Education, and I became formally the Chair of what was becoming the most diverse music department in the country, consisting of music technology, music business, music education, music performance, and arts administration, and now, music therapy.

In England, Nordoff-Robbins music therapy was supported my the music industry, with major funding from the highly-profitable music industry of England. Readers of that program flew to the United States and confronted Ahmet Etergun, the highly successful music producer and songwriter, that the American Music Producers needed to bring Clive Robbins, who was teaching in Australia, to the United States. Ahmet Etegun agreed to enlist the aid of the US music industry in bringing Dr. Robbins to America.

Barbara came to me and told me of this initiative and that Ahmet Ertegun had been persuaded by the music industry in England to set up Dr. Robbins in New York City with a place to conduct his music therapy, from buying a building where he could live and also conduct his therapy, to funds for staffing and living.

I was livid. I said starting from scratch was such an impractical vision. I reminded her that she had been his advocate in this country, She had given him a university platform for teaching in the summer. Barbara and I agreed that "If Clive Robbins belongs anywhere in this country, it is NYU."

The evening we were to meet Ahmet Ertegun had the aura of a fairy-tale. Ahmet Ertegun was a legend in the world of popular music and recording stars. His office was at Rockefeller Center on a Wednesday evening in early Spring. Barbara and I took a taxi around 5:00 p.m. from NYU to 30 Rockefeller Plaza. As we were riding uptown, I reflected on my first time at Rockefeller Center when I worked in the newsroom of NBC while a student at Columbia University. I worked in the newsroom for more than a year and had to deliver an invitation to Russia's Premiere, Nikita Krushchev, who was visiting New York City to address the United Nations.

When we arrived at Ahmet's office in Rockefeller Center, we were told he was in conference and we should go down to the bar and they would let us know when he was available. It was nearer to n=9 p.m. when we finally sat down in Ahmet's office. It was a little awkward. Barbara broke the ice by saying how much we appreciated his interest in Clive Robbins and bringing him to NYU.

Mr. Ertegun was interested in the bottom line, and I replied that sometimes such arrangements are made through endowments that are in the range of a million dollars or more. Ahmet , however, had a plan based on the model that the music industry in England developed. So the Silver Clef Award fund raiser was developed for Clive Robbins, and we agreed that NYU would provide the appropriate space for a clinic, even though space in those days was not easily available.

SILVER CLEF AWARDS

The design was simple. A performer or composer was awarded the Silver Clef Award to individuals related to the music industry for their activities in helping others. The idea was to identify a same and throw a fundraising event at the Rose Garden. Seats at tables were $5000 to $10,000, so the event was designed to fund the clinic for the year. There was usually also an auction at the event of music memorabilia.  Outstanding Music Stars were awarded the Silver Clef Awards including such notables as Neil Young, The Who, Jon Bon Jovi, and David Foster. Perhaps the most famous visitor to the clinic was Princess Dianna.

The original space for the clinic was in the Press Annex, and in those days of severe demands for space, this proved to be workable space to provide the clinic with facilities for treatment and research.

 WORLD SYMPOSIUM

The World Symposium was an initiative Now Lorin Hollander's musicality and spirituality are inextricably linked, and his music connects with the world. Hollander's interests and commitments take him continually to new regions of experience which he shares at many levels through many venues.

At this particular symposium, the full group split into working groups to explore the state of music therapy and to make recommendations that would affect the profession and the public. The culmination of the Symposium was to be a press conference and Lorin Hollander agreed to a brief performance as part of the activities of the day. It was a day of excitement and high energy, with the promise of excellent and challenging outcomes from the interdisciplinary deliberations that had taken place over the week.

After the announcements and discussion, Lorin Hollander took his place at the piano and explained that he wanted to play the first movement of the Schubert Posthumous Sonata in B-Flat. As he took command of the piano and adjusted his seat, he tested the pedal. There was a squeak that came from the pedal, a slow, almost rhythmical sound as he pressed the sustain pedal. He tried the pedal a few times and the sound persisted. Instead of being annoyed, he looked at the audience and remarked "Oh, well...we'll just pretend we are on a cruise..."

After a silence, he began playing the first movement. He was fully engrossed in the music and I was struck by the sense of quiet celebration punctuated by mysterious, ominous interruptions in the lower register from time to time. His performance emerged as a journey, a personal reflection that took us with him through an extraordinary perception and realization of the work. He had somehow managed to transcend the piano's limitations and find the voice and spirit of Schubert as an ally. Schubert's genius flowed through the room, an inexhaustible imagination of musical ideas imbued with feeling and emotion.

As the first movement came to an end, Hollander paused and then began the second movement, even though he had intended to limit his performance to the single movement. Even now I can hear that silent pause and the opening figures of the second movement. As fine and inspired as the first movement was, Hollander's performance entered a new realm, a spiritual sensibility pervaded the room, an ineffable eloquence unlike anything I have ever experienced, sad and joyful, full of regret and hope, resigned and invincible. The journey had become a spiritual quest, a presencing of the human spirit that encompassed the room and united everyone in the moment. The first movement's ominous interruptions in the bass had been transformed into an underlying and reassuring presence. When the closing passages echoed and encapsulated the beauty and expressive power of the entire work, a fading musical farewell reverberated into silence so slowly that the sound seemed to linger and echo in the room even though it was absolutely silent.

No one moved. There was no applause. Everyone, including Lorin Hollander, was captured in that moment, that magical moment in time, when silent awe was the only appropriate response to an experience that transcended time and left us suspended in the ecstasy of a fulfilled inspiration. That was long ago, but that performance still resonates in the silence of my memory as vividly now as it did at that symposium in that remote and distant past.

 

PHONECIA

 During my tenure as Chair, Barbara Hesser, our new Music Therapy Program Director initiated retreats in the Catskill Mountains on Panther Mountain near Phonecia, New York. My first experience with the retreat in 2008 was so memorable that I composed an interactive ensemble piece based on the happening of that week together with so many creative artists.

I travelled to the retreat with colleague and philosopher, David Burrows, whose book Time and the Warm Body, remains one of the most original treatments of Time that I have encountered. I remember him saying, "John, these people know something about making music that most of us do not know or understand."

The Panther mountain facility was beautifully designed and we lived in dorm style rooms. We could make our own meals or purchase simply-prepared snacks or meals. We had to clean up after ourselves, and there were many rooms where we could separate in various configurations as needed and congregate together as a group. There was no set agenda, except to share and to have conversations and mini-sessions that were like informal workshops.

Deep in the forest was a Sanctuary shaped somewhat like a teepee. A large circular building narrowed like a funnel as you looked upward, culminating in an opening at the top where you could see the sky, or stars at night.

On the first night we gathered in the sanctuary. Those of us that had instruments brought them and put them in the center. We gathered into a large circle so that everyone could see each other and the instruments in front of us.

In the sanctuary, in the middle of the forest, underneath a starry sky, we sat in deep silence. After a while, Time became irrelevant. We no longer sat in silence... we communed in silence and communed with silence. I became deeply aware of our breathing. It was almost as though we were all drawing the same breath. After more than an hour I could hear a low voice intoning a sound as though breath had discovered tone. Gradually everyone joined.  Toning began to follow contours, and then melody emerged, almost as though this communion had summoned the power of music. For the next two hours there wonderful textures, melodies, emotions created as an ensemble, but punctuated with solos, duos, trios, and other configurations expressing full joy and utter despair, pain and gladness, anguish, and delight. The improvisation created its own form and after about two hours, it returned to silence. We sat again in the circle, silent, but somehow wholly fulfilled. After a few moments we began to talk and share our experience.

The retreat was all about making music together spontaneously and then sharing our work from the past year.  Everyone was exhausted from the demands of rigorous programs in the different parts of the world, so as we shared and interacted, we found that the process we were undergoing Became a profound healing experience.