Baseball and Dancing: The Parades Pass Me By!

Years and years ago there was a marvelous lady in a Texas town who was a fixture and institution. She ran a dance studio that produced a yearly extravaganza seen by several thousand people. Her productions were in place of the traditional dance recitals that most dance studios do to show the development of students. But Dixie Dice was different. She was an institution, a cultural icon that transformed that Texas Town into Broadway Central at least once a year.

Every summer she would go to New York and see virtually every Broadway show, returning full of ideas for shows, borrowing a little from this and a little from that. She would write the scripts, cast the parts, and manage to involve every dance student in chorus lines, chorus scenes, and/or roles that moved the plot along.

I knew nothing of Dixie Dice when I began playing softball at the tender age of six. I went from position to position, playing third, and then finally settling in as a catcher because I had a strong and accurate arm and could throw runners out at second.

When I was about seven, a new kid joined the team. His name was Jimmy Hobbs, and Jimmy could pitch a softball so hard, it knocked me over when I first tried to catch him. Jim was strong, and I was impressed. I asked him about it.

"Dixie Dice," he said.

"What's that?" I blurted out, not sure I had heard him correctly.

"I take dance lessons with Dixie Dice."

"DANCE??!!??" I was flabbergasted. This is about the only time I have ever used that word, but it seemed to me at that moment Jimmy was possibly insane.

"Yeah, come along with me. I go every Saturday."

So I went with him to the Dixie Dice Dance Studio, and she loaned me some tap shoes. First we warmed up with exercises to make us more flexible and stronger. Then we started with flap-step routines up and down the studio, gradually increasing the tempo and adding music. Then we learned shuffle steps. I caught on fast. Dixie was impressed.

Now you should know that Dixie Dice was famous not only for her Broadway-style shows, but the local legend was that she had discovered Cyd Charisse who happened to be from our town. The legend was that Dixie Dice had taught her in ballet classes and recognized that she had star talent. All of the biographies seem to start when Cyd is about 12 or 14 and don't mention Dixie, but the legend goes so far as to claim that Dixie was responsible for getting her a start in Hollywood. It may or may not be true, but the point was that everyone in town subscribed to the local legend.

If you have never seen Cyd Charisse then you should be aware that she has been described as the most beautiful dancer ever filmed in Hollywood, and she had legs that were legends unto themselves...

My skills as a dancer over the next few years were increasing literally by leaps and bounds. Dixie's model for me was Donald O'Conner, and it was one of those "anything you can do, I can do better" fantasies that fueled my efforts, along with encouragement from Dixie Dice. If you have seen any of Donald O'Conner's tap routines, then you have an idea of what I was doing at around age ten. Of course, I am sure my fantasies must be mixing with memories to the point that I can't be too responsible, but Dixie seemed to see it and began to plot my career as a child star in Hollywood. Of course, this was the fantasy of just about every mother with a child the age of Shirley Temple. Except that Dixie wasn't my mother...or my father.

Dixie had contacts in Hollywood, and they were willing to see me. So Dixie drives to my house and meets with my parents and tells them that she is 100% certain that I could become a sensational child star. She already had some auditions line up in Hollywood.

My Dad paused and then smiled. He said, "Dixie, we love you, but there isn't a chance in hell that my son is going to Hollywood."

That was that. A promising career nipped in the bud, or should I say toe? My mother was strangely silent. I had a feeling that if it had been up to her, I might have gone.

But as for baseball, I did get a lot stronger. I became a hardball pitcher with a winning record, throwing a devasting fastball and a slider that I could aim at behind the player's back and it would break across the plate for a strike. Even threw a few no-hitters. I played softball and baseball for about nine years, but that career slipped through my fingers, so to speak.

Thinking back, it was another era, another lifetime, but I am all the richer for the fantasies that framed my younger days in a past long ago and a place that no longer exists.

Year 4073: The Year of the Dog

Happy New Year!

The human species has been measuring time long before we had sophisticated ways of marking time. Observatories like Stonehenge were erected for precise measurements of the sun's coming and going, and solstice (sun stands still) represented moments of change, significant and portentious. To be precise, the Chinese New Year is the second new moon after the winter solstice.

The Chinese have been keeping records of these measurements longer than anyone. Since the days of their first reckonings, they have charted 4072 years and now we enter 4073, the Year of the Dog. This year is a year of transition as we have been in a cycle of metal (Metal, Water, Wood, Fire and Earth), and 2006 is the turning point from Metal cycle to Water cycle. 2006 is the last year of the metal cycle. Next year is the year of the Pig and begins the water cycle.

There are fifteen days of celebration for 4073. Each day or group of days have special cultural and personal significance.

Thus culture emerges and stakes its survival on how it notes the passing of time and the coincidence of recurring cycles. The fabric of the cosmos stretches time through the endless rotations of swirling galaxies and solar systems, ("wheels within wheels" as Ezekiel claimed in his famous revelation) the universe spinning in an infinite sarabande stretching and revolving in majestic, cataclysmic gyrations beyond our comprehension, evading all atempts to measure the immeasurable reality of being.

Renewal. Time to rethink things before the next revolution. Time to get it right this time.

A Decade Later: A Remarkable Choe Sang Cheul

I remember him as an intense young Asian who was a dancer and choreographer. I remember him as a young man engaged in research, already an artist on a journey, the first man in Korea to earn a Ph.D. in dance, blazing a trail just as the subject of his research Sung-Hee Choi pioneered Korean modern dance, in spite of the Japanese Occupation. In 1946 she defected to North Korea with her husband who was a writer and lived in exile after her husband lost power in that regime. The division of Korea into two forces polarized by political ideologies is perhaps the greatest unresolved political and cultural tragedy and travesty of modern times. All of this brought to my awareness through my work with Sang Chuel as I served to mentor him through this research and writing.

I remember the momentous occasion of his oral defense in 1996 and his return to Korea and then to Arizona... losing touch, but keeping track of him through others. His presence as a memory began fading like worn pages of a classic book or the vanishing image of a photograph as the emulsion surrenders to time and ultimately dissipates into nothingness.

Then after all these years Sang Chuel calls and says he will be in New York on Friday.

Fast flash forward ten years to 2006 as I sit across from a distinctive and elegant individual whose demeanor embodies his remarkable journey as an artist. Impressive. He has fought through difficulties and persevered. He has collaborated with major artists, film directors, musicians, and composers to create major contemporary multimedia works such as Red Swan and Black Angel. Despite his artistic success, it isn't hasn't been an easy entry into Korean Academia. In some ways, his artistic vision and success, along with his Ph.D. in dance, have made him seem something of a threat to others on the faculty and administration. He has had greater success teaching in the United States, but his heart and his mission is with dance in Korea which has a rich tradition and enormous promise for the future. He is determined to have a voice in that future.

What makes my experience of his return so extraordinary is the many layers of development that accompany him, that cling to him like an artistic aura. We did not talk that much about his work, but it was resonating in every word and gesture. I could see that he had transformed his proclivities as a researcher into an inner inquiry, an inner searching out of values and ideas that would inform his creative work. There is a burning energy that uncovers the ideas as poetic revelations translated into movement, gesture, music, and image.

He is in New York to discuss showing his work at White Wave, a showcase for contemporary dance, located in DUMBO (Down Under Manhattan Bridge Overpass) at the John Ryan Theatre, which has been responsible for introducing more than 2000 dance companies from all over the world to New York City. It creates a new challenge for him since the works that would be practical to bring may need to be much smaller in scale, compared to the monumental multimedia works he has choreographed and produced in Korea. Whatever materializes as the dance works for White Wave will be distinctive. They will bear the imprint of a mature artist entering a new and important phase of his work. They will be remarkable.

A Classic for Our Time: Viola Enluarada

A dear friend gave me an extraordinary album of Brazilian musicians, Bossa Entre Amigos, that features Bossa Nova artists Roberto Menescal, Wanda Sa, Marcos Valle, and other guests in a live concert in 2002, which tells us that 2002 was a very good year. What I didn't expect was to encounter a life-changing idea and become deeply engrossed in the beauty and depth of the text and music of a song "Viola enluarada" composed by Marcos Valle and his brother Paulo Sérgio Valle.

My friend tells me that in Brazil viola refers to the acoustic guitar. Violas are used for serenades, to accompany songs at parties, and other musical occasions. It is part of the soul of Brazil and contributes in unique ways to the musical culture. Viola enluarada was composed in the 60s in the context of Bossa Nova but transcends the genre to become a classic statement of the human spirit. Enluarada has no real English equivalent but means "moonlightened."

Bathed in moonlight we can see the world differently, intuiting that the challenges of life are not as sharply etched as we might think. Love, music, liberty, life and death embrace us in the breath of a single moment. Listening to this recording brings a rebirth and renaissance as we realize that no matter what we face, the freedom of the human spirit triumphs over all the claims of power and destruction. This has been the experience of the Brazilians, and the rise of Capoeira (martial art, dance, and music) as a response to slavery and brutality, attests to the resiliency of a people who have suffered much adversity and yet remain full of hope, as well as being among the most innately musical beings of our species.

My friend very kindly provided a literal translation of the Portuguese. The texture and resonance of the words are inseparable from the music, and Marcos Valle's phrasing will astonish you with its subtlety and sensitive stretching of time that lives in counterpoint to a simple but eloquent harmonic commentary.

Na mão que toca o violão
In the hand that plays the guitar
Se for preciso faz a guerra
if needed [(it) notes the war
Mata o mundo, fere a terra
kills the world, hurts the earth
Na voz que canta uma canção
In the voice that sings a song,
Se for preciso canta o hino
if needed, (it) sings the anthem,
Louva à morte
praises death
No sertão é como espada
in the countryside, it's like a sword,
Viola e noite enluarada
moonlight viola, moonlight night
Esperança de vingança
hope of revenge.
No mesmo pé que dança o samba
In the same foot that dances the samba
Se preciso vai à luta
if needed, (it) goes to fight
Capoeira
Capoeira
Quem tem de noite a companheira
(the one) who lies, at night, his companion (fem.)
Sabe que a paz é passageira
knows that peace is transitory
Prá defendê-la se levanta
To defend her (peace/companion)
E grita: Eu vou!
(it) stands up and shouts: I go (I will)
Mão, violão, canção, espada
Hand, Guitar, Song, Sword
E viola enluarada
and Moonlight Viola
Pelo campo, e cidade
through the country-side and the city
Porta bandeira, capoeira
Porta bandeira, capoeira
Desfilando vão cantando
in the parade (refers to carnival) they sing
Liberdade
Freedom
Liberdade, liberdade...
Freedom, Freedom

Sand Beneath My Feet

growing up on the plains of texas, i was afforded brilliant sunsets that dominated the sky at the horizon which was framed by a flat praire as vast as the ocean. i never saw the ocean until i was about 20 years of age, when i saw the gulf of mexico from the shores of galveston...

it was an inspiring sight, and when i went to new york for graduate study, i made friends with the atlantic ocean from maine to florida, always finding ways to spend some time at beaches in maine, provincetown, new york city and the outer shores of the carolinas (which may gave been my favorite place to connect with the ocean...)

the ocean provided a sense of source, a relentless presence that whispered and roared, and the message seemed to be that of pure existence, unfolding in a ceaseless dialogue of wind and sea...

the thrill of the sand beneath my feet, my feet pressing into the sand with footprints shaping a journey that would soon vanish with the tide... connected with the primary force of being, as though the shore was a pathway to the cosmos... time, rather than an inevitable thrusting forward. was more like the back and forth pulsing of the ocean, an ebb and flow that made an elastic texture of the past and the future...

When I Grow Too Old To Dream

In 1934 Sigmund Romberg and Oscar Hammerstein II teamed up in Hollywood to provide music for the film The Night is Young and penned a beautiful ballad waltz "When I Grow Too Old to Dream," which became a standard with a life of its own.

When I grow too old to dream
I'll have you to remember.
When I grow too old to dream
Your love will live in my heart.
So kiss me, my sweet,
And so let us part,
And when I grow too old to dream
That kiss will live in my heart.

I remember thinking when I first heard this song in the 50s that I was puzzled as to when such a time would arrive as a desperate state of the human condition. Is there really a time when we cease to dream, when the imagination dies, and we are totally resigned to some sort of emptiness and despair?

The song is about parting, and the melody is is beautifully crafted and elegantly inspired, and yet I feel that if anything, the lyrics are a testament to the power of the human spirit...how does that kiss continue to "live in my heart" except as a dream-like presence, and consciousness of remembrance, for dreams are born as much of memories as they are of hope.

My father in his advancing years confided to me that inside he felt exactly as he did when he was a young man. He didn't recognize "that old man" that people were addressing as himself. His dreams and aspirations were as vibrant as ever. He never grew too old to dream and neither have I. Dreams are the stuff that have been the substance and driving force of my life. Sorry, Oscar!

A Night in Koreatown

what could be more fun than a nght out with two kindred artistic souls in the heart of koreatown, nyc...

koreatown (or k-town, as it is often called) clusters around the 34th street area between fifth and park avenues with the "main" streets being 32nd, 33rd, and 35th. we met at a country style korean restaurant known as Cho Dang Gol inhabited by a lively and animated korean clientele, beautiful people, and i felt like an extra in a glamorous korean soap opera...

to quote one of the reviews:

Elegant and Earthy Korean food
Cho Dang Gol is not your typical new york korean restaurant. There is an elegance and artfulness to the food. It is "country style" food. Their tofu dishes are wonderful, and you can really taste that their tofu is superior. They have the best rice, which doesn't sound like a big deal, but you notice it, and it comes in a hot stone pot, which you can request them to pour hot tea in and you have a nice treat waiting at the end of your meal. This restaurant puts care into their food. Highly recommeded. They have soul.

inside the restaurant, you feel as though you have been transported to korea through some magical spacewarp. the countryside atmosphere dominates, and the walls are decorated with ancient traditional korean musical instruments. all around korean words are bouncing around in music-like bursts, passionate and engaged in the moment of friday nightlife...

my two korean companions, a painter and a composer, were introducing me to this restaurant, and in fact i was a guest of the painter who had recently opened a new exhibition at the june taylor gallery in soho. the two had been friends for several years and i was introduced to the painter by the composer...

our conversation was wide-ranging: seoul (the new city and old city), the difficulties of maintaining a career in the arts... i was interested in pursuing the elements of the painter's spiritual qualities as manifest in her work, and her approach to painting. i was not surprised to discover that that she actually painted her works quickly, but that each work goes through considerable gestation of the idea and the means to implement the images and texture, to discover the painting through a deep personal questioning...

the meal was a feast of indigineous tastes with assorted kimchi, and small fried korean pancakes each with a special texture and taste as appetizers, and then a special caserole cooked at the table that included pork, squid, tofu, scallions, and assorted vegetables, simmered with care and served with fresh leaves of lettuce, sesame, and steamed cabbage. you picked small portions from the cassarole dish and wrapped them in the various leaves, including bits of sauce and kimchi seasoning... no need to hurry...creatively indulge yourself in so many variations, like etudes for the taste buds...

i learned that koreans like to engage in a moveable feast as we left Cho Dang Gol for a popular k-town dessert and beverage place on 32nd street, walking along 6th avenue, i was energized by the cosmopolitan atmosphere of new york city and this burgeoning area of little korea...

Darwin, Capitalism, and Survival of the Fittest

No matter what your position might be about Charles Darwin and Evolution, you can't escape the fact that Darwin "theory" has been promoted with such a vengeance that if you are critical of the science and the theory you are branded and ostracized from the "legitimate" community of thinkers and scholars.

Many are not aware that Charles Darwin was among the wealthiest men in the world and had the audience and commitment of royalty and the wealthiest financiers. "Natural selection" and "survival of the fittest" became the rallying point for fierce and often brutal displays of competition.

A review of the writings of several leading "robber baron" capitalists shows that many of them were influenced by the Darwinian view that the strong eventually will overcome the weak. Their faith in Darwinism helped them to justify this view as morally right and completely natural. As a result, they thought that their ruthless (and often unethical or even illegal) business practices were justified by science, and that Darwinist concepts and conclusions were an inevitable part of the "unfolding of history," and for this reason were justified.

Darwin's Influence on Ruthless Laissez-Faire Capitalism
by Jerry Bergman, Ph.D.

What has disturbed me is that the emergence of "winning at all costs" has become the prevailing value pushed by the media, and the notion of caring for and protecting the unfortunate has become more of an obligation for those fortunate celebrities to do some fund-raising in order to justify their own exploitation of modern values. Underlying this is our embracing of Darwin's theory as science, as an expression of the reality of existence and an inevitable, irresistible force that moves toward "perfection of the species."

After Darwin's 1859 Origin of Species, he twelve years later wrote a second book that was read and gasped at in the drawing rooms of Boston and New York and, really, all over the world. What Darwin said in Descent of Man was simply this: that if the good breeding stock, which was really a small fraction of everybody, crossbred with the common breeding stock – 'the evolutionary dead ends' – what would happen is evolution would march backwards into the swirling mists of the dawnless past. ...when I hear the term '‘social Darwinism'’ ...I know that I'm in the presence of a whitewash created by a number of powerful academic voices who wish to leave Darwin off the hook. The greatest and first of all the social Darwinists was Darwin himself. Rather than being a ‘scientist', Darwin was one of a handful of the wealthiest men on planet Earth. How come not a single book bothers to mention it? Darwin was supremely wealthy, and he associated with kings and princes and people of substance. So when Darwin spoke, it wasn't like a professor raising his squeaky voice at an ed. conference. He was talking to people who had control of societies under their hands. And Darwin was the one who said it would be immoral to allow this evolutionary dead end stock to crossbreed with the good stuff.

An Interview With John Taylor Gatto on The Weekend Interview Show with Philip Dru, Administrator September 6, 2003

Seeing this new value emerge in the media with "survivor" and other so-called reality shows and underscored by the media's obsession with sports and the glorfication of champion athletes as the emergence of a new superior species has been disconcerting, especially since there seems to be no cultural awareness or concern of this fundamental shift in human values.

Certainly, I think most of us resonate with Darwin's theory of evolution because we perceive in our own growth and development our personal adaptation to difficulties encountered. We see our own spiritual journey in terms of a personal evolution, a romanticization of the tale told by Darwin.

It is indeed "a brave new world." But can we survive ourselves, or is this best strategy to create the best of all possible societies? It would seem to me that this notion of "survival of the fittest" has become the driving principle behind the greatest and smallest conflicts confronting us today.

Shelling Corn

somehow, almost mysteriously, i started improvising at the piano when i was about 9 years old. i had a sharp musical memory and could remember anything i played, even if i had been playing for hours. my early "compositions" were drawn from this memory and given a name which i would play on music participation days, or i would just improvise a new piece on the spot. it never occuurred to me that i might not be able to do this, and so i was fearless in front of small audiences when at the piano...

my father had grown up on a farm in oklahoma. he was among the youngest in a large family, and consequently when he was given chores to do, he was by-passed for some of the more responsible tasks, and usually given the most time-consuming and boring jobs on the farm: shelling corn. You would sit for hours taking ears of corn, stripping off the husks, and shredding the kernels of corn into bushel baskets, ear after ear... for my dad, this was the most meaningless way of biding time...

many times i would come home from school and sit at the piano, improvising well into the late evening. on weekends, i often spent four or five hours at the piano. what was a source of amazement was that new musical ideas were born in each session, and i could remember them indefinitely...

i am not sure what was actually taking place during these years which stretched from elementary days until my last year in junior high. undoubtedly a process that was stretching my capacity for abstract thinking was deepening and maturing... i have often thought that music is a form of abstract thinking, yet really deeper than what we usually associate with "thinking." It is more than "problem-solving" which is where much of the literature has developed in an attempt to objectify and "research" the creative process... it is venturing into nothingness and pulling from the silence an entity...bringing something into being for the first time and in the profound pause of that moment....

improvising for long periods at the piano was almost a ritual. my father was absolutely mystified by this activity which seemed to him to be an extraordinary waste of time...

consequently, when my friends were looking for me and would see my dad working in the yard, they would ask "where's your son?" he would pause and then reply, oh he's inside, shelling corn..."

Cassandra Before Blogs

the internet is scarcely a decade old in terms of popular use.

personal computing started to become a strong factor around 1995, and up until that time the internet was largely a text-based means for sharing research and information. images (gif and jpg) were added in the late 80s and sound soon followed, although it took a number of years before mp3 compression made sound the catalyst that spurred intense internet development and demands for massive downloading. it seems fitting that music was such a driving force for the explosive expansion of the world-wide-web...

now the internet could be read, seen, and heard --- a virtual world was emerging. becoming even more visually sophisticated, browsers can now display video with several popular players like quicktime, windows media player, and realplayer (realmedia).

this was of enormous interest to me since i was involved in creating multimedia theatre, and the internet offered a new and effective platform for assimilating the media and long-distance sharing and exchange...

i was one of the principal participants and leaders of a multimedia creative interactive research experiment based on cassandra, the ill-fated prophetess of ancient troy who was doomed to suffer because apollo granted her the ability to see the future and then put a curse on her that no one would believe her prophesies after she rejected apollo's love...

our research media experiment that took place december, 1996 involved a choreographer and dancers in vancouver, a director and actors in a small theatre classroom at a university in new york, and composers and musicians at a loft in greenwich village. all were connected to the internet. each site created improvisations of 30 seconds to a minute which were posted on the internet and then each site created improvisations utilizing the materials posted by each site in response to the improvisations of each site. such were the limitations of bandwidth at the time. this media improvisation continued over a span of two hours. later a live stage production was created using these materials, and a version of this multimedia production toured europe...

cassandra continued to be the focus of our multimedia exchanges and development for about four years. the theme deeped and cassandra became the prototype feminist, the first of modern women, a strong figure of great intellect and passion. we were influenced by the east german writer christa wolf who discloses cassandra's passion and thoughts in her Cassandra: A Novel and Four Essays. the author reveals cassandra's secret love and husband, aeneas, who becomes the only male survivor of the destruction of troy. this material not only fueled our creation of works around the theme of cassandra, but started a new set of productions exploring the end of the ancient world (troy) and the founding of the modern world (rome) through the adventures of aeneas.

christa wolf's extraordinary publication could serve as a model for creative inquiry and research. it provides the novel and the experiences and research that the author encountered in her writing of cassandra...

An Odyssey

about a decade ago i was engaged in a project that was a theatrical retelling of the odyssey in words and music through a workshop production...

yes, i know that this has been done, but in some ways all of us have to come to grips with our own personal journeys. the odyssey is a perfect touchstone for this adventure. each of us must come home, if we only knew where home was or what home actually is...

the project culminated in a first act in which ulysses arrived home safely...this first act was about two hours...

we never got to the second act. mostly because i was discovering that the ulysses story had been rewritten from an earlier version based on a matriarchal society... this had come to my attention through the performer who was playing the lead role of ulysses and had been researching the background of homer's work...

even though transformed into a patriarcal model by homer, the odyssey is all about strong women, women in control, and men at the mercy of women whether they be sexy, scary, beguiling, wise, intellectual, or powerful. homer slips up in the end, because although ulysses father, king laertes, is still alive, penelope is the real power, which is why she has so many suitors vying to replace the absent ulysses... why would this be so since the king is still alive? the emergence of homer's odyssey appears to take place during the transition from pelasgian matriarchy to greek-aryan patriarchy, and even scholars today acknowledge that there must be antecedents to the homeric epic....

consequently, i could no longer adhere to a more traditional interpretation and dramatization of this classic...

i would rather have explored the odyssey in its matriarchal context, especially since i believe we might be on the verge of a new world order based on the values of a matriarchal society... there is substantial research that describes the matriarchal origins of societies living around the black sea, as well as their african connections (which provides an additional layer of meaning for fresh interpretation)...

Voice Recognition

times like this tempt me to shift to creating blogs using voice recognition...

yet, i know that even though i am unable to sit up and type for more than about a minute, dictating a blog would be an impossible shift of modality... some people are excellent at dictation, but i find that each time i shift to a new medium, i go through a learning process before i can achieve a level of expression equivalent to my work in the earlier media...

Working Through Difficulties

for some reason i am having a difficult time getting my blogs posted.

usually i am propelled by a positive outlook that sees me through such impediments, but the past few days have been somewhat overwhelming and i am not able to sit at the keyboard for any length of time....

my sense of time and space are murky, a dense miasma that coats everything around me with a dismal greyness...

existence becomes less engaging when everything is some degree of grey...

Friday The Thirteenth

don't pay any attention to this day resulting in bad luck, friday the 13th, where evil lurks in the least obvious shadows, waiting to pounce on the unsuspecting...

this evil is the manifestation of our own fear, our own negative energy projected into the moment...

friday--- after the goddess frigga (norse goddess of marriage) later confused with the goddess of love freya, a day that became known as the witches sabbath...freya was banished to the montains as a witch

thirteen because twelve was always the magical number for completeness and perfection, the number following twelve (twelve witches plus the devil equals thirteen) was the opposite of perfection

thus friday the 13th is a double dose of wickedness...interestingly enough, routine studies have confimed friday the 13th as a day of doom for many...far above average... a clear indication that human negative energy is a very real presence, and our fear fuels the misfortunes and malevolence that materialize that day...

the sources of this destructive force are our personal demons, our negative energy focused and projected upon our perception of reality and made manifest by tangible disasters, public and private. yet, this is the fountain for all the destructive purges of humanity, not just on days conveniently assigned as containers for evil happenings and bad luck.

Language As Discovery

Humans don't make language---language creates humanity.

Even though we might think that we use language to describe reality, language actually erects the edifices of our experience. Words crystallize thoughts, but language also leads the mind to new paths of discovery. Individuals using words take us to new places of the imagination, expanding our understanding and shaping our perceptions.

It is not only great writers who shape the destiny of humanity, but the day-to-day speakers and writers imprint each moment with profuse possibilities. Our languaging is worlding the world. Ideas are the structures that support our hopes and dreams, and new ideas are born in the ongoing disclosure of imagination. Of course, there are other expressive means that create who we are: art dance, music, theatre, film, etc., are also instruments for shaping our world.

But language is the glue that concretizes as well as being an expanding universe always in flux. It is at once fixed and accountable, unpredictable, ingenious, innovative, and constantly growing. The many languages that make up the universe of daily discourse are funding the future with an advancing dynamic reality shaped by ideas exploding as a new and different worlds of experience and possibility.

Crossroads

this is a particular crossroads. other times each crisis has been met with a sense of constructive hope. sunshine and laughter. aspiration soaring on the promise of an endless future. physical strength translated into prowess and initiative.

the energies that powered my past solutions are not available. the paradigm that has shaped each renaissance has receded into an inoperable and distant arena. it is now only the history of myself.

now i am faced with totally new challenges. if only it were the simple choice of one direction over another. if only it were a matter of the "road not taken"...

instead, at the end of each road is a dead end. perhaps some key unlocks these barriers. perhaps not. this is the dilemma. This is not a typical crossroad. no xanadus and shangri-las. no clear-cut responses based on models of the past.

just myself, poised and listening, like the gigantic radio-telescopes sweeping the universe for a sign of intelligence to displace the apprehension of being totally alone....

Out Of Gas

i feel like i have run out of gas. there's nothing more discouraging than being on empty.

sometimes this dilemma becomes an opportunity as we undertake to do something besides complaining. i remember being on a college tour with my department chair who was a charismatic conductor (we called him "doc"), and running out of gas on a remote road under a bright starry texas sky...

we had performed that evening and left around midnight to head for the next town on the tour. as we ran out of gas, we coasted to a stop and were engulfed in the deep silence, the vast darkness, and the dazzling milky way that was so vivid you felt as though you could reach out and touch the stars...

some stayed with the car while doc and i started to walk to the next town to get some gas. we figured it was about five miles away. doc had been a special mentor to me, always encouraging me and introducimg me to books and artworks that profoundly shaped my ideas. as we walked we talked and formed a bond that would last for decades until he ultimately went to his calling...

i have often thought of the serendiptiy of that moment when running out of gas developed a lifelong commitment more important than all the schedules and timetables that structured most of my college years. a moment of disaster was transformed into a treasured experience that i continue to remember as a turning point, a filling up of the soul with the energy of a lifetime...

Winter's Deceit

today was so spring-like that the squirrels were fooled into opening their wimter cache and birds were happily singing to the sun. people were walking in shirt-sleeves, and i was "as restless as a willow in a windstorm"...no one seemed concerned that the winter seemed too brief...

january in new york can be fickle, offering promises of spring only to hit you between the eyes with worst of winter days. maybe it's global warming, maybe spikes from the sun... but last year we had the same promise of a tepid winter and then were walloped with one of the coldest and snowiest winters ever...

as for me, i welcome the worst/best that winter can bring...let me sit out in the snow storm and catch flakes on my tongue. let the wind rip at all the exposed extremities. let me plow paths through the deep drifts and make angels in the snow...

birds amd squirrels and people beware...winters in new york are deliberately deceptive...and just whe you begin to trust to the promise of an early spring, the full treachery of winter is unleashed. be prepared....

Requiem for the Holidays

the holidays reign no longer. all the excuses that enable us to defer the particular aggravations of our lives dissolve in the harsh light of necessity. i am working on computer problems that should have been solved long ago, but they still linger as impediments to creativity and productivity. now i plunge into the solutions with maniacal energy and precision...

it is sad to witness the demise of the holidays, as they provide a haven for celebration and remembrance, an envelope that serves to connect us in comfortable and challenging ways. the holidays render an avenue for exchanging feelings or replicas of mutual acknowledgment where we briefly restore the filaments of the past, a time machine linking the years so we may resume relationships that flourish for a moment and then disappear until some other celebratory occasion awakens new opportunities to elaborate pretense. but the holidays are the most universal recognition of the life cycle and the struggle between light and darkness...

our interactions are not really pretense. we genuinely are inspired by the magical atmosphere of the holidays. we feel the renewal of ties with friends and family profoundly and resolve to continue them, but we know that we cannot... time and distance, the orbit of the earth around the sun, and the entropy of reality, work against sustaining these connections anywhere but within the confines of our inner reality and lingering emotions... as the holidays fade into the urgent demands of avoiding the dissolution of the world...

Posoon Park Sung: A Spiritual Quest in Art

Posoon Park Sung's exhibition of new paintings, ANAM ĊARA (Celtic for “soul friend"), opened January 6th at the June Kelly Gallery and will be on public display though February 7th. The opening night was exceptionally exciting with many friends and devotees in attendance. Consequently the gallery was buzzing with excitement, marking another milestone and achievement for this extremely thoughtful artist who explores her vision of a highly personal and intimate spiritual journey. Her images are richly imbued with metaphors that focus on the dilemma of existence and choices that confront us in our spiritual quest. Her use of color and figures that blend into a background as a rich textural presence reveal a painter who pursues her art as a means of deep inquiry into the nature of spiritual reality.

As noted, this opening attracted a large following and the energy and excitement ran counter to the works on exhibition. It was difficult to obtain an appropriate perspective on the artworks themselves because of the crowd. Of course, an opening is rarely a time to truly focus on the artworks. Openings are a time for celebration and an opportunity to bond with the artist. These are works that are highly intimate and contemplative. Giving them appropriate attention requires a visit to the exhibition later under less crowded conditions in order to experience the full impact of these expressive works.
A special moment emerged for quiet reflection as a string quartet performed for the occasion with the artist's diptich Anticipation II providing an arresting context for the musical works.

The artist was an extremely gracious hostess, and her special attachment to these works was apparent. One painting, Choice of Mind II, struck me as an artist's self-portrait of a spiritual realm---reflecting the myriad diversions and choices that lurk in the background of our being.

Anam Ċara, is an important artistic statement that commands our attention and thought. Although Park Sung's work clearly posits her in a post modern world, her Korean heritage serves as a poetic presence, disclosing this spiritual connection in subtle, transparent qualities that shimmer from an ancient past.

Create Your Own Music Radio Station: Pandora

create a radio station on the spur of the moment to fit your moods and your whims. the music genome project gives the internet pandora, a website where you create a music radio station by naming artists and songs that you like. pandora puts together an endless concoction of familiar and unfamiliar music to fit your tastes. you can create more than one station, so i started with a bassa nova station, then a beach boys type and then a vocal rock station. the stations learn from you as you tell pandora you like a song or that you don't like a particular selection. pandora learns from its mistakes and serves up many works in the genre or style you've picked that you probably have never heard before... endless... and the best radio i've had for a long time...no commercials...just great music...

even though it's five years old, pandora is in its infancy and continues to learn. if you come up with a music title or an artist that it doesn't know, pandora will respectfully apologize, and intimates that it is always on the lookout for new material and may research your failed request. in the meantime, just continue listening to what pandora unearths for you according to your tastes and instructions...

Must You Go?

once in a very remote past, i had a vocal jazz quartet. singing in such a quartet was a strong focus in my life for almost ten years. we began in junior high school, in high school, and then a more advanced quartet during college years. at the time everyone's heroes were the four freshmen, a jazz quartet that was the first vocal group to play its own instrumental backup. their first single release was it's a blue world which was a phenomenal hit on the radio. no one could believe that all that sound was coming from just four guys.

i wrote songs for our college jazz quartet, the first impressions. my training ground was absorbing the vocal arrangements of the freshmen, which provided the effect of a five-voice brass or sax section with only four voices. the medium was vinyl and i sharpened my ears by writing down their arrangeents to teach to our quartet. i noted all the subtleties such as dynamics, subtle doublings, and quarter-tone inflections. our programs consisted of singing four freshmen favorites and then our own original tunes.

we were a close-knit group and we could get high on just the sheer beauty of sound. i remember one night when i had just finished composing a song i called must you go? for the quartet. it was around 11 p.m. and the lead came into the practice room where i was working and i played through the song. he was knocked out by it and wanted to get the group together to sing it, so we found our top tenor and bass and started singing. we found ourselves mesmerized by the song and kept singing it over and over, finally piling into a car and continuing to sing it as we drove around the city. finally, around 5 a.m. we wound up at the toddle house (a chain of 24/7 diners that started in nashville and stretched west to texas and east to new york). the sound of the song was still resonating in our heads, and as we were eating breakfast each one of us exclaimed about some part of the song that was still grabbing him. quite an experience!

in our final year of being together before graduation split us up, the four freshmen came to town for a concert. needless to say, all of us were in the audience, hanging on every note. after the concert, we went backstage and were graciously received by the guys of the quartet. When we told them that we had learned and sang their arrangements, they laughed and said that they often met groups on their tour who made the same claim, but there were always errors. they asked us to sing a little, and we opened with how can i tell her? They listened all the way without stopping us and then said, "you guys have really done it!" With that, they pulled out their instruments and we stood in a circle singing their arrangements with them. i can still hear that incredible resonance of two voices to a part with those incredible voicings. the moment is dynamically etched in my memory as vivid as any multi-track recording.

we had sung for them our theme song "must you go?" which they liked very much, and even expressed interest in getting the song, but i was too distracted with my own personal ambitions to take advantage of the opportunity.

over the years, the song continues to haunt me, and i understand it not only as the question that a lover asks when a love affair is over, but a song that values the deep relationships we have on every level and the profound regret and pain we experience when people disappear from our lives...

must you go? is always answered by the bitterweet nod that life is always moving us on to new challenges and experiences...

No Time

no time for new credos. no time for regrets. i am mystified by the immense eruption of the private realm once so guarded that we kept secrets from ourselves. now we toss our thoughts to remote readers with such wreckless abandonment. we are chided for such public intimacy. yet there is an authentic presence that intrigues me and i am detained by the intensity of this open source...

Needing New Paradigms

during the late 60s early 70s, there was such a fresh energy among artists. the miasma of the vietnam war was countered by a revolution in relationships, a collapse of the establishment pop culture, four long-haired lads from liverpool, the creation of a counter culture that eventually became the new establishment, so that by the 80s and 90s, the arts were back to a ho-hum, hum-drum existence, although there were derivative revolutions that diffused any ideas of mainstream artistic energy and ideas. this dispersion was further enhanced by the development of a new kind of network, an internet, which effectively decentralised publishing of text and images...

the major development as we turned to a new century was to give the internet the technology to eliminate the need for central distribution of music and video. now artistic and media consumption has become a mania, a fixation. many of the advances in technology have focused on increasing bandwidth and storage, key factors for making consumption of media practical and desireable. everything seems to move toward instant gratification, and digital technology has made it possible for us to focus more on process than product, a paradox, since the new dictatorships of artistic distribution and development have shifted from the publishing houses, network television and the established arts centers to the corporate world (i.e. microsoft, apple, adobe, etc.) that controls these new instruments for creation...

this seduction of the arts by digital technology has distorted the meaning of multimedia and created a digital replica of media that has an inherent sameness as long as our artistic expressions remained confined to the dimensions of audio speakers and high definition screens. in a sense, digital technology has bottled up artistic expression so that it is poured through hi tech resonators that can achieve an enormous sense of scale... overwhelming an audience, consumers of this new media-induced art...

these new media must draw upon energy, electrical energy generated by every possible source, and we are at the mercy of this energy. it is the supreme translator of binary code into something we can comprehend and recognize. without this reader of the code, all the ideas and artifacts are more remote and inaccessible than the most obscure hieroglyphics...

control the source of energy and you control the world. we are ready for a new revolution in technology, one that succeeds in decentralizing the source and flow of energy, just as exclusive central control for the creation and distribution of the arts was shattered near the end of the twentieth century. the solution will astonish us. energy is the underlying substance of the universe. we are on the verge of a new paradigm because our current framework is too fragile to accommodate the emergence of ground-breaking creative awareness and achievement...

Kingdoms of the Mind

how many things have I forgotten? writimg can bring the past from the depths of forgetfulness to a new place. i am not always certain if it is remembering or returning. i see the dead end street where our house sat on the the west side of the street, facing east. at the end of the street was the prairie, the wide open spaces where the vast night sky was so bright that stars surrounded me on all sides like a dome. the prairie stretched endlessly toward the horizons like a still and silent sea.

at the end of the street were drain pipes that funnelled the overflow of rain into a ravine. way to the west toward the horizon was a windmill and a waterhole fed by the windmill bringing up the water through the desert-like terrain. we made sail boats for that pond, and our skills grew so that each generation of model sail boats boasted new features and new designs. We made rafts and explored the waterhole which mysteriously had cement pillars and walls sticking up out of the water as though this might have been the foundations of a building that never was... someone's failed dream on an empty, desolate prairie...

going to the end of our street was like going to the edge of the world. open adventure awaited us. grass that grew as high as six feet could be shaped into rooms by trampling the grass flat...we stomped hallways and rooms...palaces amidst the tall grass...with magnificent skies for ceilings...

and we had time... time to think, time to grow, time to discover, time to notice all the details without the clutter of so much modern media. our media were our ideas, the prairie, the sky, the sun, the moon, the stars, and all the creatures of the prairie. no electricity, no computers. only the wind across the prairie which we rode with our imaginations to the kingdoms of the mind...

Confronting New Enigmas

a quiet start to the year, dspite the usual attendant noise. time for reflection, for establishing the context of the coming days. a shimmering, glowing sheen shields the outskirts of advancing moments, a reminder that the face of time can be mesmerizingly exquisite.

no resolutions are permitted. we can only find the markers to urgent paths. to music making as renewal. unpack the trunk of songs so silent and elusive. find the magic of musicing through the moment. synthesize the texture of life as the authentic rendering of feeling and emotion.

yet, how do i face the enigma of myself? past visions were so dependent on you, the infinite you hiding behind the words, the music, lurking in the images as though your identity was secure. now existence sleeps in a virtual world. i long for sunlight on beaches, and real moonlight flooding the night with mystifying clarity. you are everywhere and nowhere, this contradiction stalks my awareness of you. now i know you are not what i thought, and the mystery lingers like echoes multiplied on walls of ancient caverns.